I wrote out a chapter for my xanga, a long time ago--but I don't think the story has progressed enough yet for me to use it. But, I wan't to get it out there, I've gained the confidence to post something like this.. So, without further ado, I'll publish it here, making what changes I need to in the HTML so it shows up right. Hopefully. Here goes!

There.

It has been done.

I had been dying to do it for so long, but I finally found the opportunity, and I took it. I don't really know why I had been holding it back for so long. I could have easily created other opportunities for me to take. It wouldn't have been difficult. A few choice words here and there, and voila, problem solved.

But I resisted. Something inside me said to hold back, not to let it out just yet. I still don't know what it was that made me do that. Maybe it was my conscience, maybe it was just my personality, or perhaps it was my gut that said to keep it in. I don't think I'll ever know for sure. Not that I'm worried about it, mind you, it just bugs me at times. I'll get over it.

To make a long story short, it was not returned. At least, not to the degree I had hoped for. Maybe I just had my hopes set too high; but with something as good as this, I can't see any reason why I wouldn't. Some other time, some other day, some other words; I won't know what it takes. Maybe not ever, although I can certainly hope that that is not the case. I digress further.

Something inside me keeps be back on that subject though. I wish things had turned out differently, that I had been accepted. Some other time, some other day, some other words.

My heart ties itself in knots thinking about it. How much more different could things be, if but a few different circumstances were different? I like to think they would be much better, but in the end I'm bound by the same truths that I've always been bound by. It won't change, and most likely never will. I wish things had turned out differently, that I had been accepted, that I had been loved. Some other time, some other day, some other words, some other person.

I know how the saying goes: there are millions of fishes in the sea. Alas, why is it that the other fishes just don't seem right for me? I'm sorry for the metaphors, they seem to be the easiest way to describe how I feel without tearing my heart out and placing it on a platter for you to see yourself.

I regret this is all I have to say for now. The rest of my activities continue without stop and in good time. Perhaps the next time I update this, more things will have happened to inform you of.